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Below are the 11 most recent journal entries recorded in theycallmegam's LiveJournal:

    Saturday, March 14th, 2009
    2:38 am
    2:20 AM
    its 2:20 in the morning and i know i should be asleep but i just cant sleep.
    is it weird that when we arent sleeping and have nothin else better to do that our mind just wonders? i find myself sitting here in between reading another book, ive become a bookworm lately, and lerking through peoples comments/blogs here on myspace that i find myself wanting more. im not sure what it is that i want but i know that its something more than what ive found.

    maybe im over tired or maybe i just have too much free time here at night. but i know that i want something better out of this thing they call life. maybe i need some new friends to go out and explore jersey with. or maybe i just need to move out of jersey all together.

    i think alot lately about life and where it should be going. i have learned that the few people i have called my friends really arent who they should be. no matter how long ive known you you have managed to lose my trust and tell me what kind of a "friend" you really are.

    i wish i can just turn things around and then maybe i would have been that outcast in high school. maybe i would have been one of the popular kids with a whole bunch of friends but would i like the person i would become? probably not. im content for now with the person i am today. i think ive finally accepted myself for me.

    i am as honest as they come and i wont lie to you. i speak my mind and think about the actions of it later. i need to work on my trust issues and not trusting people so openly and learn to keep a guard up around shady people.

    but at 22 i thought i would be someplace different in my life. thought i would be on the path of a good career choice. have some kind of stability and a guy who cared about me. but thats all a reality that i dont think is possible for me right now.

    i think this whole thing is turning into me just rambleing. but thats what happens at 2:30 in the morning when you have a lot of empty thoughts floating around in your head and no one is awake to talk to..
    i think i'll go to bed now.

    Current Mood: thoughtful
    Current Music: reading the selected works on christopher guiterrez
    Sunday, September 28th, 2008
    2:13 pm
    15 minutes..
    Here I am at work sitting in my car on my only break fr 15mins and I've only been here since 11:30 and already its tense. Only because kelly is on self check and im in the register next to her and for about idk 10 mins matt came over to talk to her..
    I get it they are dating but come on do u need to rub it in right there in front of me?
    It pisses me off but then again it doesn't. I just wish I knew why he picked her and not me.

    On another note the guyfriend unfortunetly has court on friday and I have so many mixed emotions about it. It might be a good thing for him to go away but im gonna miss him crazy.
    I've gotten used to the idea of him always being there and me being there for him.
    Idk this whole thing just sucks and now I have to return to work.

    Current Mood: annoyed
    Current Music: what is love - haddaway
    Thursday, June 12th, 2008
    9:56 am
    thoughts via sidekick
    Im coming at you via my sidekick cuz well im at work and all these thoughts are going through my head and I need to get them out before I exploide.

    This past month has been, I think, the worst month I've had in a long time. Wether it was from having my heart smashed by a guy who ,yes im going to admit it, I loved to finding out who my true friends are.

    Speaking of real friends I think this month has brought krystle and I closer. Yeah we were always close but we had our moments but I think my tragic heartbreak and being stabbed in the back by a certain girl really made krystle and I closer. She has really been there for me and I thank her for that.

    Im really likeing my new position at my job. I think id rather stock shelves than stand at a cashier all day. The position is only for the summer than I have to go back to my home store but ya know what I don't want to go back. I really like it here in beachhaven. Maybe its because im around new people and its not so stricted over here or maybe because matt isnt here. Im not sure what it is but im much happier over here. Im going to try and see if I can stay.

    Im sure there are other things that can be said but at the moment im at a loss for words because I think I got out all that I wanted to get out. I feel a lot better now that all that's out in the open and honestly I don't care who reads this or who comments on it all I know is that it needed to be put out of my head and written down somewhere.

    Current Mood: content
    Current Music: just like heaven - the cure
    Friday, April 18th, 2008
    8:54 pm
    Good Charlotte 4-17-08

    once again my boys in Good Charlotte didnt disappoint me.
    it was an amazing show and im so glad that they played East Coast Anthem =]

    ok so krystle and i left around 5ish just to make sure we wouldnt get lost since neither one of us was sure on where the House of Blues was.
    we got there without a problem and as we were inside we were trying to find out where the concert hall was when this guy in a funny hat came up to us and offered us this card with a free drink in it. my sidekick couldnt get the code [cuz its gay] so she offered to pay for my drink.
    well i can honestly say that i can take a shot of jager like a champ
    she got a strawberry dacari and didnt want to finish it and i didnt want to see it go to waste so i ended up chugging it a bit and let me tell you i dont like them and i did that like a champ too.
    i think the worst part was the creepy old guy that was trying to hit on me at the bar. idk what it is but i think i have like this sign on my forehead for creepy old guys to hit on me.

    anyways... we went upstairs and got in line. the line actually wasnt even that long and we got relatively close to the stage. i was sad that when they were checking my bag that they made me throw my sharpies away. really what harm could a sharpie do? but whatever i didnt want to start a fight so i threw them away.
    8:00 came around fast and the opening band took the stage.
    wasnt sure who they were but i think i am now a Blue Collar fan. maybe it helped that the lead singer was a bit hot and during one song about dancing he like shook his ass a little. it was cute.

    9 came and it was finally the moment we had all waited for. Good Charlotte was ready to take the stage. the staff at the House of Blues had informed us ahead of time that our concert was being taped for something on aol.com but i looked when i got home and i couldnt find anything about it. they should of been more specific. 
    the whole night i made perfect eye contact with Joel and Benji.
    there were a bunch of fights that broke out in the crowd. two people got kicked out because of it. idk if it was because they said it was being taped for the internet or because these guys had a bit much to drink but joel even mentioned all the fighting and how like one minute everyone is all nice and then the next they want to punch your face it.

    heres a run down of the set list that i remember.
    intro
    the river
    the anthem
    chronicles
    my bloody valentine/so lonely[cover]
    keeps your hands off my girl
    sos
    east coast anthem
    victims of love
    predictable
    young and hopeless
    hold on
    love song by the cure dedicated to Harlow

    benji broke out the acoustic and did
    where would we be now
    emotionless

    the band came back and then they did
    world is black
    dance floor anthem
    i just want to live
    lifestyles

    all in all it was a great show. sad i got seperated from krystle but she wasnt that far away from me. i could see her at all times. i hate when i go to a concert with someone and then we end up getting seperated.
    they said they were going to tour again this summer so im looking forward to another fun good charlotte night!



    Current Mood: excited
    Current Music: Good Charlotte ~ SOS
    Tuesday, February 12th, 2008
    1:42 am
    thoughts

     

    ive been thinking alot lately. to think back in the past im not sure when the last time i was honestly as happy as i have been of late. some say its due to being around a certain someone and i admit he probably has a lot to do with it but i think im actually content in life.

    sure there are things i wish would happen and i understand why they arent happening and i blame it on myself, though im told its not my fault, i still think i have a thing to do with it. i know that i really need to think before words pour out of my mouth otherwise something that had been happening would probably still be happening. some know what the thing is and some dont and if you are the ones that dont then you need not worry about it.

    i havent blogged in a while but that is because there really hasnt been anything on my mind to blog about. but ive been doing alot of thinking this past week about my life and where i want it to go and who i want it to go with.
    im going to start to apply to college so i can go in the fall and get that part of my life on track.

    as for the part of who i want to go far in life with well he may know who he is and if not then he needs to know. im not going to come out and full out say it here but if he reads it then me and said person need to find the time to talk everything out and get things straightened out. i know what i want and i think he does too but i just wish i was apart of that.

    i dont want to feel like im going in a circle anymore. the chemistry between us is, in my opinion, perfect and i know others see it too. when you get butterflies everytime you see him then you know its right. when a smile doesnt leave your face when you are around him or at the mention of his name then you know its right. if its uncertainty or scaredness that is the problem then i understand. i understand not wanting to be hurt or feeling like i'd be in the way of something. though i feel i wont be in the way since im a big supporter of ones dreams and aspirations.
    i dont want to feel like im being compared to the past. i want to be someone to look toward the future with.
    in a nutshell i can be one of the guys and i can also be the girl you can take home to mom.
    just wish it was seen..

    maybe this is all coming from me not being able to sleep or eat much but i know where my heart is and for once i feel like it could be something that would work. but this feeling cant be just one sided the other side has to see it too. its been an emotional week for me thusfar and it could be in part due to me remembering what happened three years ago and how i was feeling cuz i feel the same way now that i did then only the person i was with didnt smash my heart into pieces.

    i could cry but what good would that do. i could bottle everything up but it would only hurt me in the end. so instead im writting all, well most of  my feelings here. the ones that arent written about need to be talked about to said person i have in mind. i want things to stay the same with us and i want to move forward. i feel that this happened for a reason and its meant to be given a shot. thats all i ask for is a little shot cuz then you can look back and if it doesnt work you can say 'at least we tried'



    Current Mood: determined
    Current Music: dashboard confessional ~ screaming infidelities
    Saturday, November 10th, 2007
    12:18 am
    the girl that can be one of the guys but also the love of your life

    i want to just cry but i wont let my tears fall.
    no guy is worth crying over unless you know it is meant to be
    boys are like puppies. they come and go with time unless there is that one special one.
    i feel like he is right there standing in front of me but he is blind to me.
    why cant he just see what is right there in front of him?
    why does he have to be so blind?
    i can not wait around forever or else i could be passing something better up.

    my tears are at the brim of my eyelids but i will not blink and have them fall.
    guys say we are confusing but in reality they are they ones that are confusing
    giving us girls mixed signals all the time.
    making us feel like there is something there when there possibly isnt anything there.
    i also could be over thinking like i always do but it doesnt feel that way.
    i just wish he would give me that reasurrance that he is atleast interested.

    opps.. there goes a tear drop.
    i dont want him pressured into dating me if he doesnt want to.
    i want him to do it on his own and ask me by his own will.
    why cant i just be one of those pretty girls who have no problem finding someone who likes her?
    oh thats right cuz im one of those random girls who dont follow the latest trends.
    someone who marches to the beat of her own drummer.
    a girl who can be one of the guys but also the love of your life.






    Current Mood: sad
    Current Music: rooftops ~ lost prophets
    Tuesday, October 16th, 2007
    1:25 am
    *le sigh*
    *sigh* im starting to feel like im going to be alone forever.

    i have this feeling that a friend of mine had when she came to visit a few months ago. i feel like im never got to experience what she is experiencing with her new boyfriend who she feels could be the one. i had something like that once but i screwed it up and now its gone and i feel like these feelings i have some a certain person will never be returned.

    i hate how im always the friend or the sister type. i just want to be the girlfriend type. i dont understand why no one sees me more than that. 

    this is turning into a rant with no good point. 

    i think im just gonna end this then.. 

    Current Mood: sad
    Current Music: one love ~ aiden
    Friday, August 3rd, 2007
    2:56 am
    Just A Normal Guy FF
    ok so ive always had an interest in writting stories since i could remember and my favorite kind of stories to write are fan fics. 

    so since i dont really post on my LJ im going to post some of my stories here instead. read and comment them if you wish. 

    this is my new one that im not too sure about but its involves Jeff Hardy and it takes place around the time when he first got released from WWE and didnt exactly know what he wanted to do at that point in his like.


    Just a Normal Guy

     

    1. Meeting

     

     

     It had been a few months since Jeff was released from the WWE. He wasn’t exactly sure what he was going to do now but he knew he didn’t want to wrestle anymore. He wanted to see what it was like to be a normal guy, to do normal guy things. Sure he wasn’t a normal guy since he was Jeff Hardy but he was willing to try.

     

    This particular day his brother, Matt, had the day off from the WWE and was in town on his way over to Jeff’s house.

     

    “Knock knock.” Matt said entering the house.

     “Go away no one is home.”

    “Oh alright then I’ll just take my food and go home.”

     “Oh well you didn’t say you had food.” Jeff said walking out of the kitchen with his drink.

    “Hey man how are you doing?”

     “I’m alright, can’t complain too much.”

    “Yeah well it isn’t the same without you on the road.”

     “Matt you tell me that every time you come back.”

    “I know but maybe one of these days when I say it you will realize I’m right and get back in the ring.”

     “Nope won’t happen. It’s my time to hang up the boots and see what else there is out there for me to do. I just want to be normal, well as normal as I can be considering who I am.”

    “Jeff you will never be normal. If you were then you wouldn’t have rainbow hair or all these aluminummies around.” Matt said figuratively pointing around.

     “You know what I meant, Matt”

    “Yeah I know what you meant. Any way what is the plan today?”

     “I don’t know. I was thinking of going into town to get some things.”

    “Like what?”

     “Lumber, duck tape, more paint.”

    “Are you building something?”

     “I might be. I haven’t figured that out yet.”

    “Hey if you want I’ll go with you.”

     “Yeah sure, if you want to.” Jeff said.

    “Ok when do you want to go?”

     “After I’m done eating this burger.”

    The guys finished up eating and Jeff got ready to head into town with Matt in tow. 

     

     In town Jayden had stepped off the train and met her cousins with open arms.

    “It’s so nice to see you.” Ann said.

     “I’m happy to finally be here. The train was nice but I’m glad to be off it.”

    “So are we since you were supposed to be here two hours ago.”

     “Yeah when I got to the train station this morning I found out that they delayed my train and I didn’t have a way to call you because my cell isn’t charged.”

    “It’s ok though the fact is that you are here now and really that’s all that matters.”

     “Where do we get your bags?” Joe asked.

    “Umm… I believe over there.” Jay pointed to a bunch of people that were huddled up.

    They got her bags and headed for their house. It was getting late and Jayden was hungry, as were they, so they decided to stop off at their favorite steak house.

    “You are going to love this place.”

     “I’m sure I will.” Jayden said.

     

    The waitress came and sat them down telling the specials of the night and took their drink order. As she was telling them everything Jayden couldn’t help but notice a rainbow haired guy across the room. Even in the dimly lit room she could still see his hair. Ann noticed her staring and nudged her.

    “Haven’t you ever been told that it’s rude to stare?”

     “Uh? Oh yeah I know that but I like the color of that guys hair.”

    “Are you serious?”

     “Yeah don’t you remember when my hair was purple? You were at the house when I did it.”

    “Yeah I remember and even then I thought you were crazy.”

     “Yeah yeah well excuse me, I have to use the ladies room.”

     

    Jayden was pointed in the direction of the ladies room which happened to be near the guys table so naturally that was the path she chose to take.

    As she was walking past a spoon fell off the table. She politely bent down and picked it up.

    “Um I think you dropped this.” Jayden said as she made eye contact with the mystery person.

     “Thanks I must have knocked it off.”

    “Your welcome.” She said as she continued on her way to the bathroom.

     

    Jeff couldn’t help but watch her as she walked away. He felt an attraction to the girl as she spoke with her ‘Yankee’ accent.

     

    “Yoo-hoo earth to Jeff” Matt said waving a hand in front of his face.

     “Huh, what?”

    “Here’s a napkin to wipe the drool off your mouth.”

     “Shut up dude there is no drool.”

    “Right that’s what you think.”

     

    Jayden was on her way back to her table as she made eye contact with Jeff once again. She smiled slightly as she looked at the ground as she passed him.

     

    “What’s with the smile?” Ann wondered.

     “Nothing I’m just happy to be here.”

    “Let me tell you something about that guy over there. You don’t want to meet him. He is famous around here.”

     “Famous how?”

    “That is the wrestler Jeff Hardy. He is sort of a big deal. I’ve heard him to be a womanizer.”

     “Oh well I just like his hair.” Jayden said.

    “Ok well I’m just telling you.”

     “Thanks for letting me know.”

    They finished up eating and started to leave when Jeff noticed that she had left her bag. He got up and retrieved the bag going after her.

     

    “Excuse me but I think you forgot this.” He said holding her bag up.

     “Oh thank you. I don’t know where my head is.”

    “No problem and I’m Jeff by the way.”

     “Nice to meet you Jeff, I’m Jayden.”

    “The pleasure is all mine but would I be too forward if I asked for your number?”

     “Well I don’t just give my number out to anyone.”
    “I understand and I’m sorry for asking.”

     “No it’s ok because you got lucky this time. Do you have a pen?” Jayden said.

    “Umm… hold on a sec,” finds a waitress getting a pen. “Here you go”

     “Thank you,” Takes his hand writing down her number. “I hope you intend to use it now that you have it.”

    “Don’t worry I shall use it. Possibly very soon.”

    Jayden just smiled at him walking away and out the door to catch up to her cousins.

     

    Jeff stood there for a moment with a smile himself.

    “Smooth man very smooth” Matt said.

     “Thanks man but that’s how you have to be but then again you wouldn’t know since I’ve always been the hotter brother.” Jeff laughed a little.

    “Oh shut up.” Matt threw a napkin at him.

    They finished up and left for Jeff’s place.



    Current Mood: artistic
    Current Music: And Love Said No ~ HIM
    Tuesday, June 19th, 2007
    6:09 pm
    "Apologies are all we'll ever be," she said.

    *sigh* today is just one of those days that i just dont want to be alive anymore..
    idk what it is. maybe its PMS, maybe it isnt but i just dont want to be here anymore.

    now dont go reading this and be all like 'omg gam is thinking about suicide' because she isnt. im just depressed and on my period people.
    i get depressed when im on it and also when i start thinking about a certain someone who i wish i was still with. 

    i keep telling myself that i'll be ok and that i need to just get over him because it seems he is well over me since he has been with three people since me and ive heard that he is getting married. if that is true then idk but if not then maybe i still have hope.
    i never paid attention to what people said about him because i was truely happy when i was with him and he made me happy. i felt like somebody when i was with him. 

    if you know me personally then you probably know who i am talking about but if not then dont go worrying because im not telling you who it is. 
    they say though that if you love something to let it go and if it comes back then it was meant to be. 
    well i am still waiting for that day that he comes back telling me that it was meant to be but until then i'll try to get on with my life and move past him but i will never forget him because i think there will be a day that we are together again.

    i believe that there is one true love out there for everyone and i may have been only 19 when he left but i know he was the one i was supposed to spend forever with. 
    ive never been kissed the way he kissed me and ive never been held like the way he held me.
    i could lay in bed with him for hours and not say a word because i knew what he was thinking.
    we were just so much alike that i think was the problem in the end. i just wish he was here with me now to see how i have changed since being with him.
    so to this special guy i dedicate my favorite HIM song to and that is...


    "The Funeral Of Hearts"

    Love's the funeral of hearts
    And an ode for cruelty
    When angels cry blood
    On flowers of evil in bloom

    The funeral of hearts
    And a plea for mercy
    When love is a gun
    Separating me from you

    She was the sun
    Shining upon
    The tomb of your hopes and dreams so frail
    He was the moon
    Painting you
    With it's glow so vulnerable and pale

    Love's the funeral of hearts
    And an ode for cruelty
    When angels cry blood
    On flowers of evil in bloom

    The funeral of hearts
    And a plea for mercy
    When love is a gun
    Separating me from you

    She was the wind, carrying in
    All the troubles and fears you've for years tried to forget
    He was the fire, restless and wild
    And you were like a moth to that flame

    The heretic seal beyond divine
    A prayer to a god who's deaf and blind
    The last rites for souls on fire
    Three little words and a question why

    Love's the funeral of hearts
    And an ode for cruelty
    When angels cry blood
    On flowers of evil in bloom

    The funeral of hearts
    And a plea for mercy
    When love is a gun
    Separating me from you




    Current Mood: depressed
    Current Music: The Funeral Of Hearts ~ HIM
    Monday, April 10th, 2006
    1:24 am
    I love my American Idol..
    ok it is rare if I have remembered one of my dreams that ive had the past night.

    so it starts off at my house and I guess I am a contestant on American Idol because Chris Daughtry tells me congratulations on making it to the next round. I thank him and then he thanks me for letting him stay at my house. so we are talking and next thing I know this guy with crazy red hair and contestant Ace Young come in and ask if we want to go to this place they saw on the way over. we say well go and we start to get ready and Ace and the guy, well just call him Red, like disappear.

    so Chris and I are getting ready and I notice this big red mark on my wrist and I show him asking what he thinks it is. he says it looks like ringworm and I tell him thats not possible because the doctor told me that it was all gone and I shouldnt get it again. he says he isnt sure but thats what it looks like to him. so I go and show my mom, yes my mom was in my dream too, and she says she doesnt know. so I tell her what Chris thought it was and she says thats what I get for going off and going away to a strange island and im the only one who catches ringworm. (so I guess I had been a contestant on Survivor at one point in my life too) then Chris comes down and goes "look what I found in the bathroom when I was cleaning up" and stupid me asks him what and then he shows me this worm of some kind. and it grosses me out and I jump back and he just laughs and gets rid of it. so then I go back upstairs to finish getting ready and I have my radio on and he comes in and changes the station and I just give him this mean but playful look like what did you do that for? he just laughs and gives this innocent look.

    so Chris leaves to go start his car and like 2minutes later I hear a car honk and I just roll my eyes with a laugh as I grab a hoodie and head out the door telling my mom that well be back later. I get outside and Chris is sitting there with a smile on his face and Red is in a car behind him. Chris tells me that he had opened the door for me already and that he is just waiting on me. I laugh a little and get in and Red goes ahead to lead the way. on the ride to wherever it is that we are going we start talking about family and stuff and he reveals to me that he has a daughter and I tell him about my adoption and stuff and the cd ends so he reaches over into the glove compartment and I believe it was on purpose that he rested his arm on my leg. in my head im thinking yea you just wanted to touch me. so I casually look out the window and notice a cop and I guess he noticed it too cuz he put his seat belt on as we passed and I just looked the other way.

    we turn off at a corner and the cop still follows and Chris was like well just say my daughter is in the car with me so the smartass that I am I lean over and put my arms around him and call him my daddy with a laugh. he just gives me this playful look and im tell him im only kidding. well next thing I know both Red and our car is pulled over and we have no clue what we did wrong. but its ok because that is when I woke up.

    weird huh me having a dream about American Idol contestant Chris. now he is my favorite but I never though I would have a dream about him. what do you all think this could mean?

    Current Mood: bored
    Current Music: HIM ~ Funeral Of Hearts
    Wednesday, January 25th, 2006
    4:24 am
    so im new here..
    alright so im new to this community so im not sure how often this is going to get used because i mainly use my myspace. www.myspace.com/theycallmegam if you would like to add me as a friend.

    so its like 4:30 in the morning and i once again cant sleep. which doesnt surprise me because i havent been getting much sleep lately. then to top it all off i got into a fight with my boyfriend tonight so that didnt put me in that much of a great mood.
    i just wish he would take my feelings into consideration once in a while. i mean i love the guy but sometimes i just dont see a future. then there are other times when i feel like im dating a 5year old trapped inside a 19year olds body.

    ugh what am i complaining for its not like i have much to look forward to in life anyway. maybe i should just follow in my sisters footsteps and get knocked up then dump the father and take him to court for child support and then live off that.
    sure i know what i want to do with my life but with the way things work around here its never gonna happen and i guess cosmotology school is just outta the question.

    so yea i think thats enough complaining for now.

    peace
    Gam

    Current Mood: tired
    Current Music: Dashobard Confessional
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